Sunday, May 08, 2005
I have no idea where I'm going with this
FADE IN:
INT. LOST CAVES OF SUMARIA - NIGHT
A huge maze of intertwining caves twisting into near infinity.
LAUREN (RUFUS) PILLAR [late 20’s] dives forward as an EXPLOSION follows him through a tunnel. The flames fan above his head and dissipates. He stands up and brushes himself off. Dressed ala Indiana Jones he looks around.
RUFUS
Doc? Where are you?
Out from the once explosive tunnel DOC [late 50’s] crawls. He’s injured. Blood streaming down his face, his arms and legs bent out of shape. Every movement is extreme agony.
Rufus runs right over to Doc.
RUFUS (CONT’D)
Oh my god. Doc, are you OK?
DOC
I don’t know how much time I have left.
RUFUS
Don’t say that.
Rufus reaches over and grabs Doc by the arms.
Doc hollers in pain. His arms are broken.
Rufus reaches over and tries pulling Doc by his chest.
Doc hollers in pain. His ribs are broken.
Rufus tries again. He reaches over and tries to drag Doc by his feet.
Doc hollers in pain. His legs are broken.
RUFUS (CONT’D)
Is there anywhere you aren’t hurt?
DOC
There’s no time. Leave me. You must get to the lost skull ruby before Ravenhurst. It’s imperative that he doesn’t uncover the mystery of the ruby.
RUFUS
But Doc, I can’t just leave you hear.
Rufus tries to drag Doc again, with the same results.
DOC
Stop doing that.
RUFUS
Sorry.
DOC
Listen lad. I’m dying.
Doc coughs to make his point.
DOC (CONT’D)
We are short on time. You must go as quick as you can to the main chamber and find the ruby. Don’t dawdle. It has always been my life’s ambition to hold the ruby in my hands. As you know it is not only an extremely priceless artifact, but the ancient wisemen of Sumaria endowed this skull ruby with magic powers.
RUFUS
You’ve told me that ten times already, I know.
Rufus gets up to go.
DOC
Magic powers-
Rufus kneels back down to listen some more.
DOC (CONT’D)
-that give the wielder complete control over all space and time. We can not afford to waste our time and have the ruby fall into the wrong hands.
Rufus stands back up.
DOC (CONT’D)
Ravenhurst’s hands are the wrong hands.
Rufus turns to go.
DOC (CONT’D)
I remember back when we first met.
Rufus kneels back down.
DOC (CONT’D)
I knew your father, back in the war. He saved my life many times, me just being your ordinary occultist working for the government while he was a hard talking, hard drinking soldier. He never believed in the occult, nonsense he called it, but the times we shared.
Doc closes his eyes and Rufus stands up.
DOC (CONT’D)
I remember this one time in Cambodia.
Rufus kneels back down again.
DOC (CONT’D)
We were looking for the hidden doorway to the lost jungle of the braggadacio secret tombs. We had been hiking all day and my back was tremendously sore. Luckily your father had brought along his special massage oils.
Rufus quickly stands up again.
RUFUS
I should get to the cave before, uh, whathisname.
DOC
Ravenhurst
RUFUS
That’s the one. It was nice knowing you Doc. I won’t let you down.
DOC
Time is off the essence. Go my boy, Go.
Rufus runs off into the darkness of the caves.
DOC (CONT’D)
I wish I had some of those oils now. What that man could do with those hands... how I loved him.
Doc takes a breath and dies.
Then suddenly.
DOC (CONT’D)
I loved in a heterosexual fashion. Heterosexual.
And for real this time, Doc takes his final breath and dies.
INT. MAIN CHAMBER
Rufus runs in. The chamber is empty save a pedestal in the middle of the floor. Resting on the pedestal is the Magical Skull Ruby. It isn’t so much glowing as it is ridiculously backlit.
Rufus runs towards the skull but stops short at the sound of a GUN BEING COCKED.
Rufus turns around.
Behind him, standing in the entrance is RAVENHURST. Ravenhurst is the culmination of every pulp action villain from the 1940’s and 50’s. He oozes B-movie appeal.
Ravenhurst slowly makes his way around Rufus towards the illuminated gem.
RAVENHURST
You thought you lost me, didn’t you? Well I’m here and I’ll finally get the power I deserve.
RUFUS
Power?
RAVENHURST
The power of the ruby. I’ll be master of space and time.
RUFUS
The ruby doesn’t really work. It is, however, priceless. I say we split the money right down the middle.
RAVENHURST
Fool. I spit on your ignorance. With this ruby I will be your lord and master.
Ravenhurst runs up and snatches the ruby from the pedestal.
RAVENHURST (CONT’D)
I can feel it. I can feel the power coursing through my veins. And before I alter all space and time I want to let you know something.
RUFUS
What?
RAVENHURST
I didn’t kill your father. I am your father.
Ravenhurst laughs and evil maniacal laugh.
RAVENHURST (CONT’D)
And now immortality is mine!
He holds out the gem and makes a horrible noise, akin to a constipated man on the toilet.
Nothing happens.
He tries again, nearly crapping his pants.
Still nothing.
RUFUS
I told you, it doesn’t work. There is no such thing as magic. If this did actually have the power to rearrange space and time why aren’t the people who made it still using it. Why are they dead and forgotten by the rest of the world? If it really had the power they’d be rulers of the world by now. It just doesn’t make any sense. It’s pretty stupid if you think about it.
Ravenhurst doesn’t know what to say.
MELODY (V.O.)
So, what do you think?
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE - DAY
Rufus sits across from the women’s dressing rooms. He is lost in his own thoughts.
MELODY [late 20’s] stands across from him trying on an elegant evening gown.
MELODY
Rufus?
Rufus snaps too out of his daydream.
RUFUS
Sorry. Walter Mitty moment. You look great.
MELODY
You really think so?
RUFUS
Definitely.
Melody, all smiles, hurries back into the changing room.
Rufus looks around, slightly bored and catches the TEENAGE EMPLOYEE working the dressing room looking at him.
TEENAGE EMPLOYEE
What’s Walter Mitty
RUFUS
“Who’s Walter Mitty?”
TEENAGE EMPLOYEE
What’re you asking me for, you’re the one who said it?
RUFUS
I mean...
TEENAGE EMPLOYEE
Whatever...
The teenage employee has lost interest and returns to work.
BANANA TAMURAH, [mid 20’s] cute, slightly punk rock with an eyebrow barbell, small nose stud, and a few earrings per ear sidles up on the seat next to Rufus. She has a stack of flyers in her hands.
BANANA
Hey there buddy.
RUFUS
Hi.
She extends her hand.
BANANA
Banana.
RUFUS
Kiwi?
BANANA
No. My name... it’s Banana.
He reaches forward and shakes her hand.
RUFUS
Ahh, I thought we were playing the fruit game.
BANANA
What’s the fruit game?
RUFUS
I’m not sure. I was just trying to follow your lead.
BANANA
You are?
RUFUS
Sorry. Lauren, but everyone calls me Rufus.
BANANA
Why Rufus?
RUFUS
Why Banana?
BANANA
It’s my name.
RUFUS
Yoshimoto?
BANANA
Tamurah, but good guess. So why Rufus?
RUFUS
My father acquiesced to the name Lauren on my birth certificate, but refused to actually use it else where. He had a dog named Rufus growing up, and that sort of sums up our relationship. But “Rufus” just stuck.
BANANA
I like Rufus- though Lauren isn’t a bad name either. Do you have a preference?
RUFUS
Naw, but I’m used to Rufus.
BANANA
Rufus it is. And thanks for not asking.
RUFUS
Asking what?
BANANA
Whether I liked Banana Yoshimoto’s work. Every always asks when I first meet them.
RUFUS
Didn’t think it was important.
BANANA
You’re the first.
RUFUS
Now that you mention it, I am a bit curious, but I still won’t ask.
BANANA
You can if you want.
RUFUS
I’ll save it for next time.
BANANA
Cool. You waiting for someone?
RUFUS
Yeah. You normally come up to strangers in department stores?
BANANA
Not normally, but you’re cute and I wanted to give you this.
She hands him a flyer. The name TWISTY STRAWS headlines the page.
RUFUS
Twisty Straws...
BANANA
That’s my band. We’re playing this Friday. You should check it out. I play bass.
She takes out a pen and writes something on the back of the flyer.
BANANA (CONT’D)
It’s a twelve dollar cover charge but if you show them this, you can get in half price.
She caps her pen and stands up.
RUFUS
Thanks.
BANANA
No worries. Bring whomever you’re waiting for.
RUFUS
What do you guys sound like?
BANANA
It’s a jazzy sort of punk. Like Morphine but with a little extra NOFX thrown in for good measure. I gotta go hand the rest of these out. See you there?
RUFUS
Definitely.
BANANA
Great.
She winks and dances away in rhythm with whatever top 40 song is playing over the department store sound system.
Rufus turns the flyer over. On the back in large letters: Half off for the one who holds this flyer. On me. And an anime caricature of Banana as a banana, winking.
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
DEVI BLOOM [late 20’s] sprawled out asleep, tangled in the sheets strewn over her bed.
She shoots up, sitting at a 90 degree angle with her eyes still closed.
DEVI
Wassthah?
She falls back to the bed and opens her eyes.
She winces and brings her hand to her head - hung over.
She smacks her lips; grimaces at the taste.
DEVI (CONT’D)
Eurchhg
She starts to gag. Her cheeks go wide as do her eyes.
She bolts out of bed, barely dressed and runs through the;
HALLWAY
Into the;
BATHROOM
Where she vomits directly into the toilet.
She looks down at the vomit.
DEVI
Man, I paid a lot of money for those egg rolls.
She flushes the toilet, stands up, walks over to the sink and brushes her teeth.
EXT. RUFUS AND DEVI’S HOUSE - DAY
A quite suburb, a quaint residential street. The house is a small two bedroom split level with a one car garage that is almost identical to ever other house on the street. ¶ 5/08/2005 07:14:00 PM
INT. LOST CAVES OF SUMARIA - NIGHT
A huge maze of intertwining caves twisting into near infinity.
LAUREN (RUFUS) PILLAR [late 20’s] dives forward as an EXPLOSION follows him through a tunnel. The flames fan above his head and dissipates. He stands up and brushes himself off. Dressed ala Indiana Jones he looks around.
RUFUS
Doc? Where are you?
Out from the once explosive tunnel DOC [late 50’s] crawls. He’s injured. Blood streaming down his face, his arms and legs bent out of shape. Every movement is extreme agony.
Rufus runs right over to Doc.
RUFUS (CONT’D)
Oh my god. Doc, are you OK?
DOC
I don’t know how much time I have left.
RUFUS
Don’t say that.
Rufus reaches over and grabs Doc by the arms.
Doc hollers in pain. His arms are broken.
Rufus reaches over and tries pulling Doc by his chest.
Doc hollers in pain. His ribs are broken.
Rufus tries again. He reaches over and tries to drag Doc by his feet.
Doc hollers in pain. His legs are broken.
RUFUS (CONT’D)
Is there anywhere you aren’t hurt?
DOC
There’s no time. Leave me. You must get to the lost skull ruby before Ravenhurst. It’s imperative that he doesn’t uncover the mystery of the ruby.
RUFUS
But Doc, I can’t just leave you hear.
Rufus tries to drag Doc again, with the same results.
DOC
Stop doing that.
RUFUS
Sorry.
DOC
Listen lad. I’m dying.
Doc coughs to make his point.
DOC (CONT’D)
We are short on time. You must go as quick as you can to the main chamber and find the ruby. Don’t dawdle. It has always been my life’s ambition to hold the ruby in my hands. As you know it is not only an extremely priceless artifact, but the ancient wisemen of Sumaria endowed this skull ruby with magic powers.
RUFUS
You’ve told me that ten times already, I know.
Rufus gets up to go.
DOC
Magic powers-
Rufus kneels back down to listen some more.
DOC (CONT’D)
-that give the wielder complete control over all space and time. We can not afford to waste our time and have the ruby fall into the wrong hands.
Rufus stands back up.
DOC (CONT’D)
Ravenhurst’s hands are the wrong hands.
Rufus turns to go.
DOC (CONT’D)
I remember back when we first met.
Rufus kneels back down.
DOC (CONT’D)
I knew your father, back in the war. He saved my life many times, me just being your ordinary occultist working for the government while he was a hard talking, hard drinking soldier. He never believed in the occult, nonsense he called it, but the times we shared.
Doc closes his eyes and Rufus stands up.
DOC (CONT’D)
I remember this one time in Cambodia.
Rufus kneels back down again.
DOC (CONT’D)
We were looking for the hidden doorway to the lost jungle of the braggadacio secret tombs. We had been hiking all day and my back was tremendously sore. Luckily your father had brought along his special massage oils.
Rufus quickly stands up again.
RUFUS
I should get to the cave before, uh, whathisname.
DOC
Ravenhurst
RUFUS
That’s the one. It was nice knowing you Doc. I won’t let you down.
DOC
Time is off the essence. Go my boy, Go.
Rufus runs off into the darkness of the caves.
DOC (CONT’D)
I wish I had some of those oils now. What that man could do with those hands... how I loved him.
Doc takes a breath and dies.
Then suddenly.
DOC (CONT’D)
I loved in a heterosexual fashion. Heterosexual.
And for real this time, Doc takes his final breath and dies.
INT. MAIN CHAMBER
Rufus runs in. The chamber is empty save a pedestal in the middle of the floor. Resting on the pedestal is the Magical Skull Ruby. It isn’t so much glowing as it is ridiculously backlit.
Rufus runs towards the skull but stops short at the sound of a GUN BEING COCKED.
Rufus turns around.
Behind him, standing in the entrance is RAVENHURST. Ravenhurst is the culmination of every pulp action villain from the 1940’s and 50’s. He oozes B-movie appeal.
Ravenhurst slowly makes his way around Rufus towards the illuminated gem.
RAVENHURST
You thought you lost me, didn’t you? Well I’m here and I’ll finally get the power I deserve.
RUFUS
Power?
RAVENHURST
The power of the ruby. I’ll be master of space and time.
RUFUS
The ruby doesn’t really work. It is, however, priceless. I say we split the money right down the middle.
RAVENHURST
Fool. I spit on your ignorance. With this ruby I will be your lord and master.
Ravenhurst runs up and snatches the ruby from the pedestal.
RAVENHURST (CONT’D)
I can feel it. I can feel the power coursing through my veins. And before I alter all space and time I want to let you know something.
RUFUS
What?
RAVENHURST
I didn’t kill your father. I am your father.
Ravenhurst laughs and evil maniacal laugh.
RAVENHURST (CONT’D)
And now immortality is mine!
He holds out the gem and makes a horrible noise, akin to a constipated man on the toilet.
Nothing happens.
He tries again, nearly crapping his pants.
Still nothing.
RUFUS
I told you, it doesn’t work. There is no such thing as magic. If this did actually have the power to rearrange space and time why aren’t the people who made it still using it. Why are they dead and forgotten by the rest of the world? If it really had the power they’d be rulers of the world by now. It just doesn’t make any sense. It’s pretty stupid if you think about it.
Ravenhurst doesn’t know what to say.
MELODY (V.O.)
So, what do you think?
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE - DAY
Rufus sits across from the women’s dressing rooms. He is lost in his own thoughts.
MELODY [late 20’s] stands across from him trying on an elegant evening gown.
MELODY
Rufus?
Rufus snaps too out of his daydream.
RUFUS
Sorry. Walter Mitty moment. You look great.
MELODY
You really think so?
RUFUS
Definitely.
Melody, all smiles, hurries back into the changing room.
Rufus looks around, slightly bored and catches the TEENAGE EMPLOYEE working the dressing room looking at him.
TEENAGE EMPLOYEE
What’s Walter Mitty
RUFUS
“Who’s Walter Mitty?”
TEENAGE EMPLOYEE
What’re you asking me for, you’re the one who said it?
RUFUS
I mean...
TEENAGE EMPLOYEE
Whatever...
The teenage employee has lost interest and returns to work.
BANANA TAMURAH, [mid 20’s] cute, slightly punk rock with an eyebrow barbell, small nose stud, and a few earrings per ear sidles up on the seat next to Rufus. She has a stack of flyers in her hands.
BANANA
Hey there buddy.
RUFUS
Hi.
She extends her hand.
BANANA
Banana.
RUFUS
Kiwi?
BANANA
No. My name... it’s Banana.
He reaches forward and shakes her hand.
RUFUS
Ahh, I thought we were playing the fruit game.
BANANA
What’s the fruit game?
RUFUS
I’m not sure. I was just trying to follow your lead.
BANANA
You are?
RUFUS
Sorry. Lauren, but everyone calls me Rufus.
BANANA
Why Rufus?
RUFUS
Why Banana?
BANANA
It’s my name.
RUFUS
Yoshimoto?
BANANA
Tamurah, but good guess. So why Rufus?
RUFUS
My father acquiesced to the name Lauren on my birth certificate, but refused to actually use it else where. He had a dog named Rufus growing up, and that sort of sums up our relationship. But “Rufus” just stuck.
BANANA
I like Rufus- though Lauren isn’t a bad name either. Do you have a preference?
RUFUS
Naw, but I’m used to Rufus.
BANANA
Rufus it is. And thanks for not asking.
RUFUS
Asking what?
BANANA
Whether I liked Banana Yoshimoto’s work. Every always asks when I first meet them.
RUFUS
Didn’t think it was important.
BANANA
You’re the first.
RUFUS
Now that you mention it, I am a bit curious, but I still won’t ask.
BANANA
You can if you want.
RUFUS
I’ll save it for next time.
BANANA
Cool. You waiting for someone?
RUFUS
Yeah. You normally come up to strangers in department stores?
BANANA
Not normally, but you’re cute and I wanted to give you this.
She hands him a flyer. The name TWISTY STRAWS headlines the page.
RUFUS
Twisty Straws...
BANANA
That’s my band. We’re playing this Friday. You should check it out. I play bass.
She takes out a pen and writes something on the back of the flyer.
BANANA (CONT’D)
It’s a twelve dollar cover charge but if you show them this, you can get in half price.
She caps her pen and stands up.
RUFUS
Thanks.
BANANA
No worries. Bring whomever you’re waiting for.
RUFUS
What do you guys sound like?
BANANA
It’s a jazzy sort of punk. Like Morphine but with a little extra NOFX thrown in for good measure. I gotta go hand the rest of these out. See you there?
RUFUS
Definitely.
BANANA
Great.
She winks and dances away in rhythm with whatever top 40 song is playing over the department store sound system.
Rufus turns the flyer over. On the back in large letters: Half off for the one who holds this flyer. On me. And an anime caricature of Banana as a banana, winking.
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
DEVI BLOOM [late 20’s] sprawled out asleep, tangled in the sheets strewn over her bed.
She shoots up, sitting at a 90 degree angle with her eyes still closed.
DEVI
Wassthah?
She falls back to the bed and opens her eyes.
She winces and brings her hand to her head - hung over.
She smacks her lips; grimaces at the taste.
DEVI (CONT’D)
Eurchhg
She starts to gag. Her cheeks go wide as do her eyes.
She bolts out of bed, barely dressed and runs through the;
HALLWAY
Into the;
BATHROOM
Where she vomits directly into the toilet.
She looks down at the vomit.
DEVI
Man, I paid a lot of money for those egg rolls.
She flushes the toilet, stands up, walks over to the sink and brushes her teeth.
EXT. RUFUS AND DEVI’S HOUSE - DAY
A quite suburb, a quaint residential street. The house is a small two bedroom split level with a one car garage that is almost identical to ever other house on the street. ¶ 5/08/2005 07:14:00 PM
